Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Winter break

With violence brings life.


My life's been pretty interesting lately. Lots of drinking, long nights and feelings of restlessness. But the strange type of happiness I've been feeling overrules the restlessness. I haven't had much of an appetite either-- my stomach's been dancing a lot.

Glad for the semester to be over though! Now on to applying to grad schools (which is quite a feat in itself), then home for Christmas, Cleveland trips, yoga, reading and more drinking. I'm looking forward to the rest of this break. Hope all is well with everyone. :)

Thursday, December 2, 2010

Today

Things are looking up.

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Last night

You know, you can be so confident in a decision, that it's the right thing to do. For some reason, you think it will be easy. But when it comes down to it and you actually take the leap, you always feel so. Unsure.

Saturday, November 27, 2010

Lately

Thoughts behind my eyes, oil in the brain.



http://yayeveryday.com/post/12712


Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Portfolio Intro

This is what I have so far for the introduction for my senior writing portfolio. Comments/suggestions?


--Introduction

The longing of a stranger is a universal thing. As Walt Whitman describes so beautifully in a number of his poems, there is something inherently mysterious about them. We have no conceptions of who these people are, other than their physical appearances or perhaps a few stolen spoken words. They aren’t muddled with previous notions of things they’ve done or said or things they will do or will say. Be it the love for a stranger across a room or coffee shop, the admiration of a stranger from across the street or subway, or a simple curiosity toward the way a stranger walks or talks or simply is, the theme resurges again and again in classical and modern poetry.

At a poetry reading I attended a few weeks ago, a woman told us of her daughter who was traveling in France. Her daughter told her over the phone how much she missed human physical contact. Wherever she went, she would see strangers she wanted to hug or kiss. There was something about certain people, even in another country, that made her feel so intimate.

I chose to break my manuscript into two parts, the “Real” and the “(Un)real,” because I believe, in the fascination of strangers, there is an element of realness to it (their appearance, the inflection of their voice if you are close enough, their facial expressions) and an element of fantasy (their families, their job, their sex life, what they prefer in their coffee, what god they believe in, who they’re going home to tonight). Similar to Charles Baudelaire’s Flowers of Evil, I like to play around with the blurring of edges between reality and fantasy, good and evil, real and unreal. Even in stories of the most whimsical kind, there are still hints of truth in them. We wouldn’t read them unless we felt connected to them in one way or another.

Like dreams, I believe that my fictional poems arise directly from my psyche. They are a part of me, as are the stories in them, even if I did not realize it when writing them down. In the poems directly stemming from my life, I wish to convey a richer perception of life and the world around me. I don’t believe that what we see around us is all there is. Like the strangers we see on the street, there is more to them than what we see on the outside, so much more. And in this world, this universe, there is so much more.

In Naomi Shihab Nye’s poem, “Wandering Around an Albuquerque Airport Terminal,” she describes an event in her life when she meets an Arabic woman at an airport who becomes distraught after thinking that her flight has been canceled. Nye approaches the woman and speaks to her in Arabic, explaining to her that it has only been delayed, not canceled. Eventually, they become close—Nye calls friends to talk to the woman, the woman shares cookies from her bag with all of the women at the terminal, and soon the two are holding hands. Nye realizes that things like this still can happen, strangers can hold hands, people from all over the world can share cookies together, and “not everything is lost.”

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Shadow Baby

I know
that you are pregnant
I knew it
the moment it happened
I heard you humming
sensed your feet
become heavier
felt your breath
on my shoulder

shadow, what will your baby
look like?
will she have hair?
will she have my eyes
or yours?
will she look like me?

I always thought of shadows
as being cold
but how can they
when they exist
only through sunlight?

shadow, what will you teach
your baby?
will you teach her loyalty
love
how to hum with the wind?

that’s how
you will speak to her
isn’t it, shadow?
through hums and clicks
her tiny, leaf-like fingers
wrapped around
your wrist
when you hold her
for the first time

shadow, please tell me
when she is born
I know she is a girl
because I can feel it
in my bones
my blood
the skin on my back

and shadow, when she does arrive
on a sunny day
after a string of cloudy ones
when she does arrive
will you let me hold her?
I only wish to sleep
inside her eyes
once
and to smell her scent
of soil
and light



Still have a lot of tweaking to do with this. Let me know what you think.

Saturday, October 16, 2010

The Non-Living

On a black table
outside in the sun
a strand of blonde hair
moves, jerky
as if a living thing
struggling to breathe
against the wind—
wild, savage

I pinch the hair tight
between index finger
and thumb
and kill it

I remember earlier
under tiles
how the pipes sighed
and the sinks moaned
trying to speak

And on my way to lunch
three flats of roses
sat in the backseat of a car
windows rolled down
so they could breathe

And in our bed
last night—
how closely I wrapped
my arms around you
as if afraid to
let go

and when you
looked at me
how your eyes looked
so lifeless



First poem I've written in a while.

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Theories of Time and Space

Theories of Time and Space
by Natasha Trethewey


You can get there from here, though
there's no going home.

Everywhere you go will be somewhere
you've never been. Try this:

head south on Mississippi 49, one-
by-one mile markers ticking off

another minute of your life. Follow this
to its natural conclusion – dead end

at the coast, the pier at Gulfport where
riggings of shrimp boats are loose stitches

in a sky threatening rain. Cross over
the man-made beach, 26 miles of sand

dumped on the mangrove swamp – buried
terrain of the past. Bring only

what you must carry – tome of memory,
its random blank pages. On the dock

where you board the boat for Ship Island,
someone will take your picture:

the photograph – who you were—
will be waiting when you return.

Monday, September 13, 2010

Good weekend, bad writing

I went to the West Side Market and Coventry for my and Shaun's two year mark. It was great--we walked around and talked to some of the vendors, and I bought a ring, earrings, necklace, scarf, shirt, shawl, homemade soap, and vanilla incense. We had some really good sushi for dinner then came back, drank, ate fudge and watched old music videos. Overall, great weekend. :)

Now I am attempting to write my first story for Fiction Writing I with Ted Lyons. Since he gives no prompts in the class, it took me a few days just to come up with an idea. I have five sentences written. Maybe if I fold my laundry or wash my face, I can concentrate better. Whenever I get stuck on my writing, I always end up washing my face. Or cleaning my room. Maybe I'm trying to wash away all the bad and restart. Or more likely, I'm looking for an excuse to do something other than write.

I feel like so far, the story in my head reflects a lot about myself. Maybe I'll share it when it's finished, but prose is really not my forte, which is probably why I'm having such difficulty writing it. Bahhhh.

I really need to start working on my writing portfolio. My mind feels so bogged down lately, as if there's a barrier preventing me from writing or revising.

Thursday, September 2, 2010

nice whip darlin.

When I came out of my evening Creative Non-Fiction class today, I found this folded up in the hole in the seat of my bike. It made my day.


(excuse the crappy cell phone camera quality)

In other news, I'm really pleased with all of my classes so far and I am actually looking forward to the rest of the semester. Let's just hope I have enough motivation to put together a kick-ass writing portfolio!

Monday, August 23, 2010

Calm night

Haven't written in a while. Thought I'd update.

I haven't been up to much this summer. Work and with friends for most of it, bumming around and vacationing in Charleston, SC for the rest. It was great- lots of laughing, drinking, sunbathing, historical tours, boat rides- all the musts. South Carolina is a beautiful state.

Today, I've been running errands, baking cookies, backing up everything on my computer, and preparing for the fall semester of my senior year. It's a bit overwhelming but I'm excited regardless. I've been trying to motivate myself to write, submit my work to journals, exercise, embark on more cultural outings, etc. but I've been finding it difficult to do. I just want to sleep in until noon, watch movies and drink with friends. Just gotta give myself a kick in the ass I guess.

How are you all? Any exciting developments? Hope all is well with everyone.

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Feeling

Do you ever hear something with which you've had no experience but you still know exactly what that person is talking about and exactly how they're feeling for just one second or one minute? And even if the feeling vanishes, you still have this indescribable knowledge of the experience? That's how I felt last night. It folded over into today.

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

22

She watches as dust particles dance in the thin strip of sun near the window. Death lingers under her eyes.

Sunday, May 23, 2010

Prompts

Anyone have any ideas for a writing prompt? It can be anything- a line, a word, an object, a concept, whatever. I'll return the favor! Let's keep some ideas going.



(Photo unrelated. I just have an undying love for orange kitties.)

Monday, May 17, 2010

Summer is here

I haven't written in a while so I thought I'd update. I'm enjoying my week off in the hiatus period between school and work (although I wish the weather were nicer).

Due to the rainy weather today and a general feeling of laziness, I've been reading a lot of Joyce Carol Oates' short stories and watching Anthony Bourdain's "No Reservations" so I have a pretty heinous headache right now. But on the bright side, I've expanded my vocabulary (due to Oates' extensive use of words) and I am even more proud to be a vegetarian (due to some of the pretty beastly foods I saw, especially from Mongolia). Hah. I also went to a vegan restaurant today in Akron called Ms. Julie's Kitchen with my sisters and some friends. It had a very pleasant atmosphere and the food was really good. I guess the woman who founded the place lost 125 pounds from switching to a raw diet. Pretty nifty.

Let's see, what else have I been up to... The end of the semester party was a jolly good time! I think everyone enjoyed themselves. I watched Ponyo with Shaun last night (which was adorable) although I'd be curious to see the Japanese version. I'm trying my damnedest not to let the lethargy of summer soak in too much so I can keep a steady writing pace. I'm also going to submit some poetry to various journals this week. I'm determined to get something published by the time fall comes around.

I guess that's about it. I'll be in Kent tomorrow afternoon if anyone's around, probably hanging out at Scribbles for a bit. Hope all is well with everyone! I'll hopefully update with new work soon.

Thursday, April 29, 2010

What a strange, beautiful world

I drove out to Chicago with my boyfriend, Shaun, on Tuesday morning. I can't even explain how amazing that city is. We didn't have time to do much site seeing since when we got to the hotel, we had to leave for the Jónsi show. But what I did see of the city made me want to stay. We grabbed some really good slices of pizza on the way and ran into the Vic Theater.

The show was great. Jónsi's voice was beautiful (he sounded like a recording), the set-up was beautiful, the entire experience was beautiful. After the show, Shaun and I took the elevator to the 22nd floor of the hotel and stood out on the terrace to see the city at night. Everything was peaceful. Even the clouds the day after the show were calm.

I've more or less been inside my head since I got back.


Since I didn't get any photos or videos of the show, here's what the show looked like:


jónsi - sinking friendships (live) from Jónsi on Vimeo.

Saturday, April 17, 2010

New poem

This is based off of a painting from a Vietnamese child. The Wick Poetry Center has a really great project going with these children's paintings and poets from across the country. Here's the website if you're interested: http://dept.kent.edu/wick/Outreach/Projects.html

And here's the link to see the painting I referred to (it's #14):

Extermination
After war painting #14 – “Extermination”

The man directly
to the right of me
is shot first
His left index finger
lands at my feet

Shards of glass
from the market
beside me
falls from the sky
like broken leaves

The sun is so bright
I can’t see the helicopter
only the body
and my own
shaking arms

The shot hits
before I hear it
The bag of groceries
I was carrying falls
to the ground

Clouds like mushrooms
rise from the dirt
like the ones my wife
cooks for dinner
on days she’s feeling lonely

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Sophie

I don't have a title for this one yet. When I first wrote it, I was pretty pleased with it but now that I'm re-reading/editing, I'm not sure how I feel about it. Comments/critiques appreciated.



Sophie cut two large zinnias
over the femoral vein of each thigh
with a razor when her neighbor
found her, walking in
to borrow a tablespoon of lemon juice

Her neighbor had to catch a plane to Austria
and the hospital let Sophie go
a few hours later after discovering
that she did not have health insurance

Sophie walked to the fresh market
across the street, bought
three eggplants and walked back
to her apartment

After cleaning the blood from the bathroom
Sophie went to the kitchen, peeled
one of the eggplants in stripes, cut it into cubes,
lightly salted it, and fried it in oil
for about twenty minutes

After she was done eating, she read
fifteen more pages of Diderot’s
Jacques le fataliste (in French)
and went to bed

The next morning,
she ate another eggplant for breakfast,
added some leaves and bumblebees
to the zinnias on her thighs
and took a bus to the hospital
after realizing that she still had
thirty-two pages of the novel to read

On the way back,
she stopped by the market again
to buy a pair of thick gardening gloves
and seven packets of seeds
(green peppers, strawberries, tomatoes,
sunflowers, squash, zinnias and eggplants)

Sophie planted the flowers
and the eggplants in the small garden
on her balcony and went inside
to make some raspberry lemonade,
sit in her mustard yellow armchair
and read the last thirty-two pages




P.S. I have a new hair cut. Here's a photo (click for full size):

Monday, April 5, 2010

4-5-10

New York was great! I didn't want to leave. We didn't really do any touristy kinds of things, considering I did all that the first few times I was there and we're all broke. We mainly just walked around, ate and drank.

But now back to school. I'm setting some goals for myself for the rest of the semester. I'm going to try to exercise at least twice a week (yoga, bike riding, jogging), eat more (I think this may be contributing to my 24/7 exhaustion), write a poem a week, and start thinking seriously about what to do after graduation. I'm also conducting a little experiment with myself. I've always had problems with stomachaches. I feel like everything I eat upsets my stomach. My mom is hypoglycemic, has thyroid problems, and has dairy and wheat allergies (which means all of these lovely things were probably passed down to me). So this week, I'm eating no dairy to see how I react. Then next week, no wheat. If my belly still hates me, I may have to go to a doctor and/or nutritionist. Bahhh.


But on the bright side, there's only six weeks left until summer. Can't wait.

Thursday, March 25, 2010

A day of art, music, delicious food and good company


Today was a very good day. I got up bright and early to go teach the 3rd graders with Elizabeth. We taught them how to write alphabet poems and I think it went really well! One of the girls even wrote about me and Elizabeth in her poem. It was so precious and touching.

Right after teaching, I picked up Jaime and we headed out to the Andy Warhol Museum in Pittsburgh for our 1960s Lit and Culture class. Only our teacher and a few other people from our class went but while we were there, we met Jaime's grandpa and aunt. The museum was great.

Then after the museum we met her other aunt at Kaya, a fantastic "island cuisine" restaurant/bar. I got curry vegetables and rice which was DELICIOUS. We ate and talked for quite a while. I found out that her aunt is getting married to her girlfriend in the summer and that they're making each other's wedding rings at a craft place (how cute is that??).

After dinner we went to the craft/art store since it was right across the street. It had tons of amazing art including glass, ceramics, jewelry, charms and other such things. I wanted to buy everything there (but it was all very expensive.)

Then we said goodbye and started heading back to Ohio. We listened/sang along to nothing but The Beatles the whole ride back.

When I got back to Ohio, me, my mom and the siblings went out to Aladdin's for dinner. And now I'm sitting here at the apartment drinking wine and writing a poem for tomorrow. Good day.

Monday, March 22, 2010

Born from the Wind

Born from the wind,
we moved through air
like grass

Our hair clicked
against our earlobes,
bare breasts brushed
against t-shirts,
naked feet pounded
the earth like bombs-
but instead of leaving ruin,
we left words,
music,
flowers

We raised our arms
to the sky
to pull the clouds
a little closer,
to make the earth
a little softer

We flew on
each other’s backs
from New York
to LA
and back to New York

We handed out flyers,
even if no one wanted them
held signs until
our arms melted from the pain,
shouted milky protests
from broken throats,
asked passersby
Can you dig it?

Well, what exactly are you digging?
a straight once asked me
and I told him-

We are digging
for knowledge,
for self-acceptance,
for a world
that doesn’t know
the meaning of a bomb
but the meaning of a smile

People need to
get with the words,
hear some lingo,
talk
to each other

Loaded on language,
loaded on drugs
we kept on haulin’

Kept on haulin’
‘til the clouds
floated back to the sky,
‘til the drugs wore off,
‘til the edges of the flyers
folded and browned,
and all that was left
of the groove
was the tug of the wind
in our bones

Sunday, March 21, 2010

The aftermath




I stole three rings from Target today. I need to stop doing that. I feel like karma's going to come and nip me in the ass one of these days.

But my birthday weekend was great. Quite a few of my friends came out to the Professor's Pub on Friday, and the party last night was full of dancing and laughing and drinking and more dancing. Our wine rack is actually full for once and the apartment is (surprisingly) still clean. All in all, good weekend. :)

But my birthday has thrown me off track of writing, so I'll probably be a bit of a recluse the next week-ish to catch up.

Hope all is well with everyone.

Friday, March 5, 2010

February '10

After two months of neglect, I've started up my monthly poems again! I'm not sure I like this one very much but here's February '10:


Blood oozes from the thumb like lipstick
I slouch toward the sky
We stain our hands with stones
I was left in the kitchen with 
broken pieces of your shoulder
I heard her speaking but no words came out
She dries her feet to step in water
Lies between thighs
Eating an emotion leaves a strange feeling in the belly
She melts in the bathwater in a puddle of anomalies
Is it possible for words to be unvocal?


Thursday, March 4, 2010

3-4-10

I read some poetry today at the Women's Resource Center for Women's History Month (as well as Bri, Demi and quite a few other girls whom I wasn't too familiar with). It was such a nice experience! The room we were in was very quaint and cozy, everyone was really nice and polite, it was really interesting to hear the range of poets, and I was really glad that Kat Blackbird chose me to be a part of it. Not to mention, today has been the first sunny, semi-warm days in months. Thank goodness! Hope everyone's enjoying the sunshine.

Monday, March 1, 2010

I will melt


(click to enlarge)


I'm sick of feeling buried by the snow.
I'm ready for spring.

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Back in the swing of things



I met with Kim Winebrenner today and decided that I'm going to graduate by next spring (very terrifying!). So seeing that I need to have an extensive writing portfolio finished by next year (especially if I want to apply for an MFA program), I need to start writing and reading a lot more. I've decided to start up my monthly poems again and I'm going to try to give myself a writing prompt or ask friends to give me a prompt every week. I also want to get back into drawing/photography so I have something else to woo the people who look at my writing collection.

Blah blah blah busy busy busy. No sleep for me next year.

Brian and Jon (pantoum)

This night will kill us both, Jon says
He rubs his bleeding thumb on a rock
Brian shrugs and pulls some grass from the riverbed
The moon hums to the beat of their eardrums

He rubs his bleeding thumb on a rock
Brian hears nothing but the blood in his chest
The moon hums to the beat of their eardrums
Jon washes his hand in the river

Brian hears nothing but the blood in his chest
Jon’s eyes are heady with wine
Jon washes his hand in the river
The dew of Brian’s lips is on Jon’s shoulder

Jon’s eyes are heady with wine
They stained their hands with stone
The dew of Brian’s lips is on Jon’s shoulder
Jon holds the bleeding rock, afraid to let it go

The pupils in their eyes are as far as Orion's Belt
Brian shrugs and pulls some grass from the riverbed
The color in their eyes is as close as Orion's Belt
This night will kill us both, Jon says

Thursday, February 4, 2010

Skin (haiku)

Pink paint chips and falls
From the railing like dead skin
On a pillowcase

I dive into your skin

I dive into your skin like liquid
burrow in the cracks
of your hands
slide across the dip
near your collar bone
oh how nice it feels!

on the tip of my nose
I hold the color in your eyes
(the golden honey crater orbs)
and whisper,
I want you most on the weekends
at 6 o’clock in the evening


your hair curls around
my brain like
sugar-sweet tentacles
tickling my thoughts

the small white scar
on the divot of your back
reminds me you are human
reminds me you are mine

but does that make you
a possession, saying
“you are mine”?
because you are not
something to own
nor a liquid
nor even a person

but a small, twinkling idea
settled on the bottom
of my ribcage
sending sporadic bursts
of sunlight warmth
through my light, white body


Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Children

Children already
Know everything
Without actually
Realizing it

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Motivation

I haven't written in a while and thought it appropriate since classes start today that I get back into the swing of things. I didn't write much over break but I'll be posting what little I have soon for critique/comments. I'm taking two poetry classes this semester so hopefully that gives me plenty of ammunition to write more!

Break was good for me in the sense that I've become closer to some people and not so close to others. But I take both as good things. Since last semester, I sort of have this new appreciation for negative things that happen in my life. I guess I like to see the "beauty" in everything (or whatever you even call it).

My lethargy, however, is bogging me down. I need a schedule again. I need to wake up earlier than 1 in the afternoon. I think this semester will go really well.